“Manoj never tries to understand my point and neither does he listen to what I want to say” , Aditi had tears in her eyes as she made this statement to her friend. On the other hand Manoj was discussing with his colleague that he is fed up with the instructions and continuous nagging and cribbing by his wife, Aditi. Isn’t this a very common scenario in today’s complicated state of our relationships.

Aditi and Manoj had a dream come true kind of love marriage however over a short period of 2/3 years of marriage the differences cropped up and each one of them thinks that the other partner doesn’t understand him/ her…
This situation is very common amongst the couples, whether it is a love marriage or an arranged marriage in Indian context. We generally get attracted towards people with whom we are able to relate well or we think that that person would be able to understand us well. Whenever such relations are made,they carry a baggage along with them and that baggage is known as ‘expectations’.

Let us try to understand the basic difference in the expectations of a woman and a man when they are in a married relationship. Women want their husbands to love them, care for them and give them complete time and focus. On the other hand men need their own space inspite of being married. They want to take independent decisions and look forward to love and respect both at the same time from his wife or partner. There is a huge gap between the range of expectations of both the genders from their opposite gender and it is an uphill task to bridge the gap. Each passing day the gap widens and the differences keep growing.

Let’s look at the positive side of the story, to bridge the gap between the expected life partner and the real one, we need to follow 2 steps. Primarily we should be able to accept the person the way he/ she is. There are certain qualities of a person that we like similarly there would be certain qualities that we would not like however the first step towards a successful relationship is acceptance of the person as a whole. We always feel that the other person should change his habits or preferences according to us and we continuously try to invade his/ her personal space. Stop there…think that before we became a part of our partner’s life, he/ she had a certain lifestyle and just because the relationship has happened it should change according to our expectations, isn’t that a way too high an expectation. There’s a very accurate phrase that pin points this situation ” old habits die hard”. It doesn’t mean that they can’t be changed at all however the expecting partner should realize whether to give them that importance or ignore them for good. Continuous nagging and interference leads to everyday arguements and further into big fights.

Second step requires a bit of introspection, the way we expect certain things from our partner likewise are we fulfilling his/ her expectations from us. Am I ready to change according to my partner’s desire or demand is a question that everyone should ask to his/ her own conscious. An honest answer to this question, helps us to understand that when we are not ready to change ourselves,why are we expecting someone else to change..no human is perfect and the real essence of a mature and stable relationship is accepting the person as a whole, Yes friends with the flaws as well.

Relationships are not only about taking, it is also about giving. This mutual give n take is the foundation of a great relation.

At the end, we come back to the same thought of need and desire. Every need will bring expectations along with it to get fulfilled however desire brings acceptance of the person as a whole and that would give us eternal peace and happiness.

Be in a relation not because you don’t have any other option but because you want to be in it with your heart and soul!!

About Yogita Todkar

Yogita, an outgoing personality with experience of more than 9+ years in the field of Psychology and Human Resource. Her body of work includes mentoring aspirants for personal growth, training young adults on management and behavioral skills, psychometric testing for personality traits, EQ/IQ and aptitudinal skills. She gives/monitors personal counseling and group counseling of all her clients. She is passionate about her work and loves solitude as much as she enjoys her long drives and conversation with people from different walks of life. Yogita, indulges a lot in networking and is amicable and forth-coming. She is a post graduate in Psychology from Pune University. Her cliental include human resource from Corporates and Educational Institutions.

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